Friday, February 11, 2011

Supernanny solidifies my notions that i never, ever want children

Maybe these people are horrible parents who should have never squeezed out spawn, but watching this show makes my hair curl for two reasons.

1. These kids are devil children sent from the underworld to destroy families. I bet these people were really fucking happy before these kids came into their lives, and now their existences have been reduced to getting slapped by teeny tiny little hands, getting velcro shoes thrown in their faces, and prying these children out of bed so they can go to school and get the fuck out of their hair for 6 hours. I would cherish every moment I spent at work if I had kids like these. Kids are like mean, whiny versions of real people. At least that's what this show makes them look like.

2. Supernanny makes these people parent like total pussies. Supernanny doesn't let these people give their kids a little hit or two when they get out of line, and that's bullshit. I was a mouthy little shit when I was a kid, and every now and then I got a good smack on the ass or the face and you know what? I shut the fuck up. I would look up, tears streaming down my face from throwing a temper tantrum, and see the angry face of my father staring down at me from eight feet up and I would think to myself, "Whoa, this guy could totally kick my ass. I'm going to be a much better child." I'm not saying that these parents should be shaking their babies to stop crying, but every now and then a little pain could really set you straight. Worst comes to worst, crush their favorite toy right in front of them. Nothing says, "I love you, but I'm really disappointed in you right now" like an eight-piece Polly Pocket set crushed to smithereens.

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