Thursday, May 26, 2011
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
SARASOTA, Fla., Feb. 15 (UPI) -- Authorities in Florida said a homeless man sent to jail Friday was found to be concealing 30 items in a condom hidden in his rectum.
The Sarasota County Sheriff's Office said Neil Lansing, 33, had been jailed following a Friday court appearance on undisclosed charges when corrections deputies performing a routine cell block search noticed a piece of condom sticking out of Lansing's rectum, the Sarasota Herald-Tribune reported Tuesday.
Officials said they removed the condom and it was found to contain 17 blue pills, a cigarette, six matches, one flint, an empty syringe with an eraser covering the needle, a lip balm container, an unused condom, a pharmacy receipt and a coupon.
The sheriff's office said Lansing, who is being held without bond, is facing charges of possessing a drug and a tobacco product in jail.
This is the only thing I was wondering after I finished reading this article: why the fuck did he bother to stick the receipt up there too? I can't imagine that he was intending to return anything that he'd put up his butt, but I guess financially that's a smart decision. He may be that most forward-thinking person to over shove multiple items up his butt. But really dude, a single cigarette? why not just go for the whole pack? Not only that, but do you really want to put something that's been chillin' in your asshole for God knows how long in your mouth? I know it's your own personal butt juices and all but still, not hygienic in any sense. Also not sure why he decided to stick the condom up there, because if he was planning to bone some dude in jail i'm pretty sure gay sex is a good way to not get anyone pregnant. But on the other side, why did he bother to stick that up there anyway? It's not like condoms are illegal. Moral of the story is this guy is a total conundrum to me...really thinking on his feet with some of the things he shoved up his bumhole and then just totally missing the mark on others.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Monday, February 14, 2011
There is something not quite definable in your face — something lovely, not pretty in a conventionally thought of way. You have something graceful and tender and feminine (sp). You seem to be a woman who has been loved in her childhood, or else, somehow by the mystery of genetic phenomena you have been visited by the gifts of refinement, dignity and poise. Perhaps you cannot be accredited with all that.
Irrespective of your gothic aspects, you have passed something on in terms of your expression, mien and general comportment that is unusual and rewarding.
It's been a pleasant if brief encounter and I wish you well and I hope we shall have occasion to cross eyes again sometime.
Rule #4 of broadcasting: never speak your own weirdo language on camera. Darison? Burtation? Close to actual words, Serene, but no cigar. The funniest part of this is that they're actually trying to claim that this lady had a stroke on camera. I have news for them, however: sometimes you just want to speak some gibberish. Truly, this is a broadcaster's nightmare and as a budding journalist over here, I sincerely pray that NOTHING this randomly awful happens to me.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Congratulations, MTV. You have developed the absolute most heinous show I've ever sat through. I can watch some serious shitty television...but I can't even sit through this garbage. The show follows some handful of teenagers around while they blow anything they can shoot up their nose, fuck each other's bony bodies, and then talk about how much they are/aren't getting laid. The main heartthrob of this series is some little boy who looks like he walked out of an Abercrombie Kids catalogue and into this show. The acting is so god damn awful that the expressionless dialogue isn't even remotely believable. Everyone is so abhorring and unlikable that I was punching myself in the face by the end of the episode.